My Three Secret Memory Tips
Before daylight, on a chilly and wet, Tuesday morning, I arose to the smell of coffee brewing at 5:45 am. I immediately turned on the small space heater so I could go to the shower without freezing. This is the only day of the week that I rise at this early hour and travel 25 miles into Dallas for my networking event.
If I left the house at 6:20 or 6:30 a.m. I would be stuck in a maze of bumper to bumper traffic. For some reason 6:25 allowed me to slide right onto 121 – to I-35 and into town.
Today I arrived at the perfect time so I picked my spot at a table near the middle of the room, got my 3rd cup of black coffee and began to mingle with new attendees and those who have been around for a while.
“Hey there, Silver Fox.” I answer back, “How are you.”
“Just Great. Can we set up a meeting time soon.”
“Sure,” I say as I pull out my appointment calendar. I started to enter the date, time and location however his name escapes me. I’m too embarrassed to say but I am about to press on with the question when he says, “I know you are the ‘Silver Fox’ but what is your full name?” Ah-ha. I am not the only one with the name habit. The habit of not retaining a person’s name.
I tell him my name and politely ask him to give me his full name for me to put down. Mission accomplished and no one is embarrassed. Neither of us remembered the others name however I knew what he did for a living and could talk about the glowing testimonials from the other members. He knew my tag-line and other things but not the name. Interesting.
One of the “Secrets” I’ve been told is that the reason you HAVE to remember a persons name is because it is the most important thing to them. Well, I’m going to say that depends. Many people remember my tag line however my name escapes them. People I have met in different circumstances remember me but not my name (my hair also helps). A person can tell me when and how we met and I can do the same with them but not pull up the name. Why is that?
There are people who make it their life’s work to remember long lists, all the words in a dictionary, everyone in the audience, book titles, etc. and all you want to do is remember your child’s teachers name, or your neighbor or the cute guy in the class.
I Don’t Care If I Remember Your Name! You didn’t care to give me a reason.
People don’t remember names because it hasn’t been made important enough. Example: What are the names of all the people who went to school with you? Are the ones you remember the ones who you spent the most time with, you had a crush on, you hated or who were super popular. Think of some other categories of people that you remember their names, including from social clubs, organizations, stores, etc. The more you think about it the more you realize that there was some emotional reason their name stayed with you.
My Three Secret Memory Tips
1. What is your motivation for remembering
2. How long do you want to remember
3. Make your name memorable.
What is your motivation for remembering?
Do you have an interest in the person that is beyond doing business with them? Do you have things in common? Do you find them intriguing or interesting? Did they flatter you or make you feel good about yourself? Why do you want to remember them? We remember easily when we are interested in the person, place or thing which in turn causes our brain to store memories.
When meeting someone listen to their name intently and if necessary asked them to repeat it. Use it in the conversation. By doing this you are actively making an impression on your mind.
How long do you want to remember?
Science says we have short-term (primary), long-term (secondary) and working (includes short-term and sensory mechanisms) memory processes. I have added a fourth, convenience memory. Some spouses are accused of having this type of memory regularly. Technically convenience memory means you remember when it is convenient or beneficial to you.
There are times when an incident or scene comes flooding back to you because of a phrase, a smell or special place. You smell cookies baking and you are taken back to your grandmother’s kitchen. You walk into an old office where you used to work and people’s names begin to come to mind. This is what I refer to a convenience memory. It conveniently comes back to mind as you need it. In reality these things are stored in your long-term memory banks and you retrieve them much like accessing your computer disk to pull up a file.
Do you remember names for the duration of a job, play, vacation, seminar, semester, etc? Do they become your lifelong friend or just an acquaintance for the moment. Depending on how you are emotionally effected by them will dictate how and where their name is logged in your memory.
Have you ever been given hint after hint and it feels like you are pulling or dragging a long piece of taffy out of your memory. Finally it snaps into place and the whole name or scene comes to mind? You actually have lots of information stored, just not where it is easily accessed. It is up to you and the importance you give the person/thing/scene as to whether it is in short-term, long-term or convenience memory.
Make your name memorable to the person meeting you.
This is a give and take proposition. If you want someone to remember your name, make it easy.
First, pronounce your name slowly and clearly so it can be heard and understood. Very vital. How many times has someone asked you to repeat your name? This means your mumbling or saying it so fast they don’t understand or don’t hear it.
I went outside one afternoon and my new neighbor was in her yard. I walked over to introduce myself and to meet her. Here is what she said 36+ years ago. “Hello my name is Mary Kay Franciscus. You can call me Mary Kay. You can call me Kay but never call me Mary.” Yes, she made meeting her memorable.
Recently I met a young lady. Her name is unusual and a little tricky. She said it sounds like Liberace, the singer and flamboyant piano player. I remember her name and her face and her style. How can you introduce yourself in a way that people don’t forget you? How about a rhyme or association and yes, even a poem.
When you are introduced to someone their name logs in short-term memory and is lost in less than a minute if you do not do something to move it to long-term. You can help people remember you by saying your name and theirs at various times during the conversation so that the person can instill it in their memory. You also will move their name from your short-term memory.
Think of how it is for you to remember a person’s name and realize it is the same for most people. Make it very easy to remember you and your name. When you do, it will make it easy to remember theirs.
I am Beverly. . . . Fells. . . . Jones, The Silver Fox of Consciousness. I answer to Beverly or Silver Fox or even at times to Madame Fox. Who are you?
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“As you have believed, let it be done for you.” Matthew 9:29
And It is so!
In Gratitude,
Beverly Fells Jones,
The Silver Fox of Consciousness,
The Colony, Texas
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